Two nights ago was a tough one for me. Terry has been through so much already health wise that I’ve long since made peace with the fact we will not grow old together. We have, and will get older, and we’ve been lucky so far. But I’m concerned for him that he may continue to get news like this that chips away at his overall health, and I’m worried about Molly who has plans for her future that include him. It really hit me that night that night that he may be entering a phase where it’s one diagnosis after another coming at him.
This latest diagnosis of cancer is the fifth health battle he’s gone through in less than 12 years. He’s had a disabling heart attack, a staph infection invade his heart, thyroid cancer, a rare pheochromocytoma (adrenal gland mass), and now bladder cancer. Throw in an undiagnosed vomiting syndrome over the past 7 years, and you have compromised health. These continued assaults on his health are bound to keep eroding whatever medical stability he has right now. There’s never a chance to see if there might be improvement with his heart when his body is continually trying to fight off the latest threat. His bounce back time seems to be longer and longer after one of these events, which tells me they’re taking a toll on him.
If that is the case, then I’m glad we’re doing some of those things we’ve wanted to do, like traveling, while we can. There’s no reason to think he won’t recover from this, but he will be puny feeling for a while. At least now he can think about the trip we took this summer and relive some of the fun stuff we did while he’s recuperating, rather than feel resentful that he has little control over his life. Neither of us engage in pointless questions of why this is all happening, which makes facing each new challenge a little easier. It also makes me appreciate his willingness and ability to accept without complaint what happens. That’s not to say he welcomes the bad news. He does not. But when we can focus on the things that matter to us, rather than the things that happen to us, it keeps our spirits higher and better able to handle those setbacks when they occur. Because they do occur.
He’s got a good doctor who is optimistic about the outcome, so we are optimistic as well. We’ll get this behind us and hopefully be able to ease into the holiday season at the end of the year just a little more grateful yet, for what we have. But for now, we have to get through Friday. It can’t get here soon enough.

